Today is not about me….

It is Sunday morning, I am at work again, I don’t mind working on a Sunday, it is really peaceful and even the drive to work seems easy and stress free. I am glad I am here, I am glad I kissed my kids before I left home, I am glad I am alive and well, and healthy, and lucky to have this life.

But today it is not about me, it is about a young woman, an 18 years old young beautiful girl that took her own life because, somewhere, somehow, she must have felt there was no other way out.

I have learnt about her passing yesterday, she was the daughter of someone I knew and I worked with long time ago. I don’t want or need to mention their name because I respect their privacy and hurt, but I want to dedicate this day to her because she is gone now and it saddens me so much I wish I could do something and I can’t. 

I know now, she is a star, a little angel in the sky and I have to believe that she has been accepted by God even in her terrible act because, God is forgiving and loving and she must be now in a place where I hope she found the peace she was looking for so much.

I looked at my children this morning and felt blessed, I wanted to call her mum and say something but everything seemed nonsense; what could I possibly say to a mother that has lost her child? I hate when people ask the question, “how are you” or “how do you feel” and to say “I am sorry” seemed somehow irrelevant, not to me, but to her…I sent only a little note with no words but a simple “I love you”. 

I hope she feels my love for her and I hope she has the strength to go on in a time where I can’t even begin to imagine and I don’t want to imagine how she must feel.

She was a beautiful, young girl, full of life, on the outside, with her entire future ahead of her yet something was missing…She had beauty, health, a mum and a sister that loved her with all her hearts, she lived in a beautiful place and had a beautiful life, one that many could look at and even envy, yet something was not there for her.

My angel, may you have found your peace now where you are and may you be able to protect you mum and your sister now with the help of God…

My heart aches for her mum, it must be so hard, indescribably hard, unthinkably hard to have to face such a loss….wondering what did you miss? what could you have done? was there a sign and you did not see it? For whatever little it might means, do not blame yourself, you have always been a good and loving mum, you have alwasy tried to give your best and makes sure they were loved and cared for, growing up is so hard sometimes, being an adult can be so hard sometimes and don’t blame yourself because I have known you and you are a wonderful wonderful mum…

You have another daughter that is with you, and even for her it must be unbearably hard to face such a reality, not fair to have to go through this at this young age. They did everything together, she looked up to her big sister, she wanted to be like her big sister, and now she found herself alone. Be the rock you need to be, like you have always been in you life and this time more that ever be the hardest rock you could possibly be because your other angel here on earth needs you and for how hard it is sometimes to be a mum and how difficult it is to do it right, now, in this moment , it is not the time to  crumble…it is the hardest thing you have very faced in your life.

To all the moms, and dads of this world, to myself as well, if you are reading this, let’s have a minute of silence for this wonderful girl gone to soon, let’s remember that we run too much, think too much, worry too much, care too much about things that have no meaning whatsoever , and let’s slow down, look around ourselves, the people we love the people that are around us, and listen, look, observe, cherish, love , hug, kiss a bit more…let’s enjoy each others a little more, not taking for granted every day that we have, let’s build a life of great memories and laughter , and experiences, because ultimately it is those that we carry within ourselves, not the latest bag or the trendy gadget, it is the love we had, have and will have that we cherish the most and that is the most precious gift we could ever ask for.

Goodbye little angel, I know you have found your peace, may you mum and your sister and your dad find theirs too.

Peace and love to you all.